InMotion

Monday: Quick moment between very slow trips across the apartment and other aspects of life with my dad here in Minnesota. We're getting it all together as we the family take over all the care from the care center, with spectacular help from my wife Carol and sister Cindy. I'm back (Tuesday afternoon), had to stop writing because I am too distracted here in the studio apartment with dad.  I am just here.  I don't have a profound insight on the end of life or my relationship to my dad, but being here is just what it is, is important, is real. He's now finally drifted off for an early afternoon nap. He may awaken anytime, so I'll just post these pictures, taken on my bike rides.  I will continue trying to write when I can.  I have been able to ride for an hour or more on 6 of the 9 days we've been here so far.  I liken it to plugging into a charger, beautiful.  Late afternoon, Dakota rail-trail, Mound, MN (across the street from dads place) bridge ...

I'm going to try and do a stream of consciousness piece.  Last night I slept pretty well. I like curling up under the covers and feeling as if I'm in a cocoon, safe and sound while metamorphosing.  Only 3 times up with dad during the night, to help him with the bathroom.  He and I might have synchronized bladders at this point in time.  Dad is having markedly reduced cognitive function, as a result of heart, lung, and kidney functional depletion (old age). Carol and I along with my sister from Michigan have decided that for the next few weeks at least, a person will be here and with him 24 hours a day.  As you might imagine, we are taking this one day at a time.  Will this plan last until his 93rd birthday in April?  That last sentence is not in keeping with the previous one, which gets priority, so enough said.  I do feel peaceful about this, and I am happy to be in a position to do it.  Our good friends Jim and Annie are trailer-sitting ...

Here's a short post on something we've been reading and want to recommend.  As we head west in our Toyota 4-runner and Airstream Sport (collectively called "home"), we've been listening to Michael Pollan read us his book, How to Change Your Mind .  Today's installment concerned reports of the drug psilosybin used at high doses in subjects that volunteered for the study.  They could be enrolled in the trial if they had a diagnosis of cancer carrying a life-shortening prognosis and were anxious about their impending decline and death.  I found the report astounding.  As a life long "dabbler" and current practitioner in eastern philosophy and Buddhism, the descriptions of what might be going on in "the mind" of the participants as they have a drug-induced trip were familiar.  Not the hallucinations and all that, but what might be happening in the brain and the mind to change what we accept as the "truth" of our  experience of reality...

The Kavanaugh thing: The nation becomes more harsh, more protective of the capitalists, more open to influence by rude, crude, pathetically limited human beings.  In the face of this cycle of foolishness, we all can be ourselves, express ourselves, and help empower those around us that seek to contribute to the common good.  While we continue to exist in this cruel environment, we can be kind.  Of course there's anger.  Often, I don't know what to do with it or feel ambushed by it.  The Buddhists say you can transform it into wisdom.  See Nasty Woman Meditation , Tricycle Magazine Summer 2018. Here we are, almost plunging into winter and with these opportunities ahead to collectively vote for change.  Personally,  I notice that anger can rise up so fast, it can be breathtaking.  It's just right there, just below the surface.  It's got to be helpful to work with it skillfully.  We're going to be angry a lot, so we can be assured of...

Just received a letter from my son Tyler, who got married on August 31.  Handwritten, thanking my wife Carol and I for helping out before during and after the wedding.  Here are the words he used in reference to the time we shared together: Chaotic, loving, bonding, collaborative, enchanting.  Agree.  Thanks, Tyler.  I continue on, dreaming of living free of expectations of any kind, "loving what is" as Byron Katie  says. Here is where we were earlier today: Carol at our campsite in 29 Palms. Two miles from a big  (8000 folks) Marine base (Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center) and 10 miles from Joshua Tree National Park Joshua Tree National Park.  Rockpiles, but these are really good ones.  We're in Arizona now, I plan to tell you more about it. We had 17 days in California. We'll be back.